The True Self

In Ephesians 4, the biblical writer (Paul?) instructed his readers to put off the old self, to put on the new self (Ephesians 4:22-24). The author's image of changing clothes depicts the essence of the spiritual journey. It is a journey of inner transformation and change. The spiritual journey is about the interior life - the condition of the heart.

We live out of what is inside ... out of what is in our heart. The condition of the heart determines what we do and how we relate. As the heart is transformed, what we do and how we relate changes, as well.

Thomas Merton, the Trappist monk and mystic, referred to the new self as the true self - the person God originally created us to be and is now recreating us to be. The true self is who we are in Christ.

The true self (new self) has two dimensions: (1) who God created us to be when God knit us together in our mother's womb (Psalm 139:13-14) coupled with (2) how God is recreating us into the likeness of Christ.

The true self includes our uniqueness - who we are that no one else can be. As we grow into our true self, we joyfully live out of our gifts and abilities in an area of passion to make a difference in the life of another in Jesus' name. True self = gifts + passions + ministry in Jesus' name.

The true self is also who we are with a transformed heart. The true self is the product of God's work, of the Spirit's work in our life. The biblical writer said the new self is created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness (vs. 24). The true self reflects the likeness of God, the character of God. The true self is who we are as we mature spiritually.

Thus, the true self exhibits the fruit of the Spirit. The true self lives out of joy and peace. The true self chooses to love as Jesus loved.

The new self stands in contrast to the old self. The biblical writer described the old self as "corrupt and deluded by its lusts" (vs. 22 - think of "lusts" as hungers). The old self is the self-serving self, the one that lives out of a what's-in-it-for-me spirit. I speak of the old self as the constructed self - the self we created by conforming to the expectations and demands of some social group (family, church, school, friends, community, society.)  The old self or constructed self is who we became in order to gain attention or acceptance or affection or approval from that defining group. (These four - attention, acceptance, approval, affection - are our emotional hungers that unconsciously govern our lives.) In other words, our old self is who they create us to be. (As adults, these original groups give way to a fraternity/sorority, country club, service organization, business associates, etc.)

Our old, constructed self is based upon external conformity to the expectations and social standards of our "homies." Note: it is focused on the externals, not the internal - behavior, not the heart - what we do or don't do, not what is deep inside. Our old, constructed self depends on self-effort, resulting in trying harder to do better. It naturally involves comparing - comparing ourselves to the standard of expectations, comparing ourselves to others. It produces us-them thinking - who is acceptable, who is not; who's in, who's out. It naturally involves competing, leading to better than-less than thinking. It naturally involves judging leading to merit-based thinking. "S/he doesn't deserve ..." "It s/he would only ..., then ..." It naturally involves using power against others, bargaining acceptance and approval for conformity while threatening rejection and condemnation.

This old, constructed self is a fragile self, easily threatened by that which is different and those who are different. We protect it through ridged beliefs and positions. We attack and demonize anyone who does not align with our beliefs and positions.

The old, constructed self cannot love as Jesus loved. It is too busy protecting its fragile veneer. It does not know inner peace or joy. It lives with anxiety and fear, anger and resentment. Love, joy, and peace are only possible as the Spirit transforms our hearts, setting us free to be who God created us to be ... the new self, our true self.

Healthy Spirituality: The Antidote for the Constructed Self Syndrome

The antidote for the constructed self syndrome in church life is simple - simple, but not easy. The antidote is healthy spirituality.

Healthy spirituality is about one's personal relationship with God. Note: relationship, not belief in. One can believe in God without ever opening one's life to God. Relationship is about getting to know God and allowing God to know me - up close and personal. It is about allowing God to share my life and, in doing so, to shape it.

Healthy spirituality always leads to transformation - the transformation of heart and mind into the likeness of Christ, i.e., spiritual growth. It involves putting off the old self (the ego-based, constructed self) and putting on the new self (the true self), Ephesians 4:22-24. At the heart of this process of transformation, Paul says, is "being renewed in the spirit of your minds." He makes the same point in Romans 12:2 - "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." Healthy spirituality always involves growing in my understanding of God and God's ways. It involves growing in my knowledge of God.

Healthy spirituality involves putting on the mind of Christ (Philippians 2:5) - learning to think and live from the perspective of Christ's self-giving, servant love rather than from the inherent self-serving spirit of the ego. And therein is the challenge.

The self-serving spirit of the ego is our default nature. Here's how this self-serving spirit works.

We were created with four primary emotional needs: the need to be safe, to belong, to be capable or have power, to be valued. The flip side of these four needs is fear - fear that these needs will not being met. We unconsciously live out of fear - fear of being hurt, of being rejected or abandoned, of being inadequate or powerless, of being less than and no good. The way we deal with these fears is by constructing an identity designed to get one of these four needs met. This one need is our primary emotional need. (The primary emotional need is different for each of us.) We operate out of the belief that if this one need is met, the other three will be, as well. We construct this identity by conforming to (or rebelling against) some external standard of right and wrong. As I have said before, this conformity always leads to comparing ourselves to others, resulting in feelings of being "better than" or "less than." Our relationships are governed by these comparisons as we live out of an us-them mentality. The result of this merit-based effort is our constructed self - our self-serving, ego-based self.

Healthy spirituality leads us beyond this constructed self with its ego needs and underlying fears. It leads us to find our sense of identity in our relationship with God, not in our merit-based conformity to some external standard. It leads us to find our peace in God's faithful love. It leads us to find our sense of belonging and value in God's claim on our lives as God's beloved child. It leads us to find our sense of ability (power) in who God created us to be, in the gifts the Spirit has given us, and in the Spirit's presence in our lives. Another way of saying this: healthy spirituality leads us to rest in and live out of grace. Living out of grace, we have no need to compete or compare. We can embrace all as God embraced us, with grace and forgiveness. We move beyond "better than - less than," us-them thinking.

But the ego-based, constructed self does not surrender without a fight. The way the ego seeks to win is through deception. It dresses itself up in religious garb ... by conforming to religious expectations. That way, it doesn't have to die. It just creates a religious veneer. It has the appearance of spirituality without the reality - without the transformation of heart and mind.

The constructed self syndrome in the life of a congregation is evidence that the ego has been successful in its deception. It has not died, just gone undercover. But a good dose of healthy spirituality will lead the ego-based identity or constructed self to die so that the true self - the person God created us to be - can grow.  

Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a single grain. But if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life (their constructed self) lose it, and those who hate their life in this world (who the world has shaped them to be) will keep it for eternal life, John 12:24-25 (NRSV). 

Symptoms of the Constructed-Self Syndrome

Religious practices often get co opted by the ego. When they do, the life of the church suffers.

The ego-based self (the only self most of us know) is a constructed self. It is built using self-effort to conform to some external standard of right-and-wrong, good-and-bad, acceptable-unacceptable. That standard generally reflects what "society" and/or family - the world in which one grew up - said was good-and-bad. Comparing and competing are inherent to the constructed self. We compare ourselves to others, focusing particularly on those who don't measure up to the standard to which we conform. This comparison produces an us-them mentality. Judgement and condemnation are always players in the constructed self (even though Jesus said, "do not judge so that you may not be judged," Matthew 7:1). Judging and condemning the other gives us an unconscious sense of being "better than" them. We feel good about ourselves at the other's expense. Shame lurks underneath the spirit of judgment and condemnation. We shame the other, communicating that they are basically flawed and no good. This shaming tendency reflects the shame that lives deep inside us, generally outside of our awareness. We fear that we are flawed and no good.  (Shame was often used in our formative years when we failed. It was used to motivate us to be better. BTW: shame never works as a motivator. It only cripples.) This comparing and competing, judging and condemning, segregating into us-them categories produces an ego-based identity - a sense of self that is defined by "the good' we do and "the bad" we don't do.

Naturally, religious practices offer a ready-made standard for comparing and competing, judging and condemning - for constructing a sense of self with a religious overtone. Churches and church life become the natural arena for this constructed self, dressed in religious garb, to live out its identity.

Churches and church life are often victims of the constructed self syndrome. The symptoms are predictable.

• Some standard of measurement (unstated expectations) permeates everything. It may be proper belief (about the Bible, about sin, about God) or proper behavior (morals or "reverence in worship" or mission support) or proper ritual (the right way to worship). Rules and policies (what we can do, can't do) govern the life of the church. 
• Conformity - doing the right things, in the right way - is expected. Thus, a spirit of performance, particularly in worship, creeps in. Appearances are important as are meeting expectations of what people want/like. 
• A reserved sense of evaluation is the prevailing emotional tone. Criticism and complaint, judgment and condemnation are often expressed about failure to measure up to expectations. Criticism and complaint, judgment and condemnation become power-plays to control what happens and how. This spirit of judgment excludes any sense of joy or expression of creativity. 
• Acceptance and approval are conditional, tied to how well one conforms to the expectations and norms. The congregation struggles to offer God's kind of radical hospitality.
• An us-them spirit is the norm. Belonging is limited to those like us - who think like us, look like us, act like us, value what we value. Those "not-like-us" are often targeted for condemnation as unacceptable, undesirable, less-than ... or, even, sinful. 
• Relationships tend to be more social than spiritual. We enjoy being together and find ways to do so, but seldom share honestly of our spiritual struggles. 
• Leadership is restricted to those who are committed to the way we do things. Leaders function as managers, protecting and maintaining the status quo. 
• We openly express pride about our past. We often speak of "the good old days." We continue to do what we have always done and how we have always done it, assuming that is what is pleasing to God (because it is pleasing to us!). There is little hunger for "more" spiritually. 
• Clinging to what we have always done and how we have always done it, we resist anything new or different, anything that disrupts the comfort zones we have created for ourselves, i.e., change. We interpret the introduction of change as criticism, meaning "you're doing it wrong."  
• We ask God to bless what we are doing rather than ask how we can be a part of what God is doing. 

When church life becomes infected with the constructed self syndrome, it becomes a reflection of the culture rather than a reflection of God. It dresses the world's ways in religious garb rather than embodying the ways of God (the Kingdom). It uses God to validate who we are and what we do rather than allowing God to shape who we are and what we do.

The constructed self syndrome is a never-ending battle in church life. Its only antidote is healthy spirituality.

How Religious Life Gets Sabotaged

Religious practices are intended to nurture and shape healthy spirituality. (See "Religious Because I'm Spiritual, August 18, 2019.) But like all good things, religious practices can be twisted to be something they were not intended to be ... sabotaged, if you will.

Jesus warned us of this possibility in the Sermon on the Mount: "Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven," Matthew 6:1. He then talked about giving alms, prayer, and fasting as examples of religious practices that can be sabotaged.

The culprit in this sabotaging of religious practices is our ego.

The ego is our sense of identity that is tied to things outside of ourselves, apart from whom God created us to be. It is based on performance and achievement. It involves self-effort and self-reliance. This ego-based identity likes to compare and contrast, resulting in a "better than-less than" orientation. This sense of self is based upon what the world (our culture) says is important, how the world defines success, what the world values. It is who the world has created us to be, not who God created us to be. It is how the world has squeezed us into its mold (Romans 12:2). Spiritual guides like Thomas Merton and Richard Rohr refer to this ego-based identity as the false self (as opposed to our true self). I speak of it as a constructed self.

Healthy spirituality leads us beyond this ego-based identity.

Jesus taught this reality as the heart of discipleship. "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit them if they gain the whole world but forfeit their life?" (Matthew 16:24-26, NRSV).

I find it helpful, in seeking to understand Jesus' statement, to insert the language of false or constructed self and true self. "If any want to become my followers, let them deny the self they have constructed based on the world's values and social pressures, take up their cross and follow me." BTW: the cross was an instrument of death reserved for insurrectionists against Rome. To take up the cross was/is to renounce and live out of step with the power-oriented ways of the world. To follow Jesus was to learn from him a different way of living, based on different values. It was to learn the servant ways of the Kingdom. "For those who want to protect the standing of their false self in the world's eye will lose their true self, and those who surrender their false self for my sake will find their true self. For what will it profit them to gain the world's power, standing, fame, prestige, wealth, approval, applause - yet forfeit their true self?"

Healthy spirituality leads us beyond the ego-based identity. The Spirit leads us to put off the old self (constructed, false self) in order to put on the new self, created in the likeness of God (Ephesians 4:22-24). This process is the essence of the spiritual life and the discipleship journey. It sets us free to be who God created us to be - our true self. It sets us free to live out of our God-given gifts and passions. It frees us to give ourselves to make a difference in the life of another in Jesus' name.

But there's just one minor - well, major - problem. The ego doesn't want to die. It will adapt, conform, pretend ... anything but die! And so it sabotages the very things that nurture this dying-to-self process. It twists religious practices so that, rather than being a way of knowing and living in relationship with God (alms, prayer, fasting - Matthew 6), they become standards used to compare with others. Rather than being a way of connecting with God, they become ways of feeling OK about ourselves because we are "better than" "those people." Church life, thus, becomes just another arena for performing and achieving, for recognition and standing, for constructing a religious self.

As if the ego's ability to sabotage religious practices were not enough, the ego is also deceitful!  It blinds us to the fact that we have created an ego-based religious identity. After all, who of us wants to acknowledge that we might be a Pharisee?!

That's why Jesus warned us about this reality in Matthew 6: beware!

The rejection of church life by the "spiritual, not religious" crowd suggests that the ego is very effective in sabotaging religious life.

Religious Because I'm Spiritual

"I'm spiritual, but not religious."

It seems to me that those who make this statement do not understand the relationship between religion and spirituality. They do not understand the role that religion plays in spirituality.

In a nut shell, healthy religion serves spirituality. We do religious things - religious practices and habits - in order to nurture and develop a healthy spirituality.

I acknowledge that religion can, and often does, get sick. It not only fails to nurture healthy spirituality, it becomes destructive to both the individual and the community. Such expressions of religion are to be rejected for what they are: religious abuse. But the misuse of religious practices does not invalidate their intended purpose: to nurture healthy spirituality. The misuse is to be rejected, not the religious practices.

Without religious practices, what does spirituality look like? What nurtures it? What shapes it? What helps it develop? What helps it become healthy and mature?

Apart from the discipline of religious practices - such as Bible study, prayer, keeping a journal, Christian community, giving, loving another in Jesus' name - my spirituality tends to become a projection of what I already think and believe. It becomes a way to validate myself while insulating myself from any need to grow or change. I become my own judge of what is right and true. I create a god in my own likeness.

In my experience, when a person abandons religious practices and spiritual community, their spirituality tends to become stagnant rather than healthy, vibrant, and growing. They tend to be stuck in their spiritual development.

So, for me, a better statement is "I'm religious because I'm spiritual."

Spiritual But Not Religious

"I am spiritual, but not religious."

In today's post-Christian era, this statement is frequently heard. It is generally used as an explanation of why the person does not participate in traditional church life. The statement acknowledges the spiritual as an important dimension of that person's life. It rejects religious practices, i.e., church activities, as having little value. The statement is often accompanied by a statement about the church being an irrelevant, man-made institution based on human traditions, perpetuating an out-dated way of thinking and living.

The statement expresses rejection of traditional church life. But it might just be a gift, if we church people can receive it. The statement helps us to see how non-church and fringe-church people see the institutional church today.

The statement is a commentary on the church in current, Western culture. It basically says the church has failed (is failing) to do what it is designed to do: to help us encounter God, to connect with God, to live in relationship with God, to live as God's people.

The statement is a mirror non-church people are holding up to us church people to help us see ourselves through the world's eyes. They see too much "church" and not enough of God.

The statement is a reminder of how the human ego seeks to supplant the place of God. Religious life is supposedly about God and the things of God. It's amazing how we turn it to make it about us - what we like, what we have always done it and want it to be, what makes us feel good.

The statement reminds me of Jesus' words, "My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations, but you have made it a den of robbers," (Mark 11:17, NRSV).

What would it take for the church to be a place where spiritual people would turn to find God?

We Live by ...

"We walk by faith, not by sight," Paul said (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Faith is an interesting concept. It involves belief coupled with action. We believe something then act upon that which we believe. I believe that God forgives freely and generously, so I am honest with God about my struggles and failures. I refuse to live with guilt and shame.

To live by faith is to stake our lives on something as true. It is to build our lives on this truth even though it flies in the face of reality!

Paul's statement in 2 Corinthians 5:7 is made in the context of suffering (2 Corinthians 4:7-12) and aging (2 Corinthians 4:16, "even though our outer nature is wasting away"). As Paul dealt with these physical realities, he expressed confidence that the Spirit used his struggles to produce spiritual depth and maturity. "Even though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day," 4:16. He did not become discouraged (4:16a) because he looked beyond what was to something more, something greater. He looked beyond the physical to the spiritual, beyond what is temporary to what is eternal (4:18). He lived by faith.

Paul bet his life on spiritual realities that cannot be seen or guaranteed. He did not allow the physical to dominate or define his life. How he lived was shaped by spiritual realities he embraced as true, not by physical needs, desires, pleasures, hungers, struggles, suffering, illness, aging, or death. That's what it means to live by faith.

It seems to me, however, many (most) of us prefer not to live by faith. We like to be certain. We like to be right. We like guarantees. We like to know we are secure. (How many of our homes have security systems? All of our computers do!) We like the comfort of the familiar. (No, we don't like change. We like to know what to expect.) We don't like adventure with its unknowns. We can only tolerate little-to-moderate risk. We like to know we are safe from what might happen. (That's why we buy insurance!) And we certainly don't like to lose or look foolish.

In short, we live by fear. Our desire for certainty is our attempt to deal with our anxiety and fear of the unknown. (Have you ever noticed how we almost always project the worse about the unknown?)

To live by faith is to live with confidence. When Paul spoke of faith in this passage, he spoke of confidence - confidence, not certainty. 2 Corinthians 5:6, "so we are always confident." 2 Corinthians 5:8, "yes, we do have confidence." Confidence is a quiet assurance in the face of what is and in the face of the unknown. It is a quiet assurance in God and God's faithfulness, regardless of what comes our way. Confidence involves an inner knowing. "For we know ...," 2 Corinthians 5:1. This confidence, this deep knowing is fostered by the Spirit's work in our lives, reinforced by our experience of God's grace and faithfulness as we live by faith.

To be a follower of Jesus is to live by faith. It is to place our bets on what we say we believe. It is to risk that what Jesus said about God and the ways of God is true. It is to build lives upon Jesus' teachings even though they are at odds with our basic human nature and with the world in which we live. It is to live for Him and his purposes rather than for self, 2 Corinthians 5:15. It is to live with confidence, knowing ... That sounds a lot like being certain, but it is not. It is faith.