Close to God

I often hear people talk about wanting to be "closer to God" or feeling "distant from God." Sermons call us "back to God," implying that we had wandered away and were no longer close to God. Some speak of "feeling closer to God" because of a spiritual retreat. We Methodists even sing a hymn entitled "Close to Thee." The refrain repeats the prayer "close to thee" four times, one after the other.

What do we mean when we talk about being "close to God?" The question is framed as an issue of distance: how close to, how far away from. It is generally about feelings. "I feel ..." or "I don't feel ..." It implies that something is missing or lacking. It expresses a desire to experience God or to have some kind of God-related experience. It reflects our perception (generally a negative perception) of our spiritual situation or condition at the time.

Do we really know what we are wanting when we talk about being "close to God?"

I would like to reframe the question. The issue is not one of distance ... or of feelings or something being lacking, for that matter.

The witness of scripture, both in the Hebrew scriptures and the Christian scriptures, is that God is with us. One of our names for God is Emmanuel, meaning "God with us." The Israelites in the wilderness were instructed to build a tabernacle "so that I may dwell among you," Exodus 25:8. Once the tabernacle was completed, "the glory of the LORD filled the tabernacle," Exodus 40:34. God dwelt in the midst of the people. The Temple, which Solomon built to replace the tabernacle, was known as the dwelling place of God among God's people. Drawing on the tabernacle image, the writer of John's gospel spoke of God "pitching his tent among us" (original meaning) as the Word became flesh, John 1:14. In the Farewell Discourses of John, Jesus spoke of the Spirit: "he will abide with you and he will be in you," John 14:17. He also promised "we (the Father and I) will come to them and make our home with them," John 14:23. On the day of Pentecost, the Spirit was poured out on Jesus' followers, indwelling them and empowering them, Acts 2:1-21. At the heart of John's vision of the New Heaven and the New Earth in Revelation 21-22 was God's presence in the midst of God's people: "See, the home (literally: tabernacle) of God is among mortals. He will dwell with them as their God; they will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them," Revelation 21:3. The psalmist spoke of God's presence with us as being inescapable: "Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?", Psalm 139:7-12.

Given the witness of scripture, I would reframe our struggle. It is not about distance. God is as close to us as our breath. God lives with us and in us. How much "closer" can God be?

Rather, it seems to me, the issue is about awareness ... our awareness of God's presence ... our awareness of the Spirit's movement within us ... our awareness of the Spirit's teaching us and guiding us ... our awareness of God's work in our lives. The issue is being attuned to the inner dimension of our lives, the heart. The issue is training ourselves to look for God and God's work. The issue is learning to recognize God's presence.

Note my emphasis on training and learning. Awareness can be cultivated and learned. And we are not alone in our efforts. God is not in hiding. Remember how God came looking for the couple in the Garden when they hid from God? God always loves first, reaching out to connect with us. God wants to know us. God wants to share God's Self and God's life with us. God wants to share our lives. God wants us to know the presence of the Risen Christ. God wants us to know the movement of the Spirit. God is here, with us, quietly calling and inviting.

For me, a key tool for training myself to be aware is meditation, using breath prayer. In meditation, we seek to go beyond words and thoughts. We seek to go into inner stillness and silence. I generally struggle to quieten my thoughts and clear my mind. (Our thinking reflects our desire to be in control. It is our ego holding on to control rather than resting in God and God's grace, simply trusting God.) But even that struggle (do I call it failure?) becomes the Spirit's call. My awareness of my busy mind becomes an invitation to refocus. Following my breathing, I pray, "Fill me; cleanse me." My objective in my meditation is not to be successful in meditating. Rather, my objective is to express my intent to focus on God and my desire to live with awareness of God in my life. My attempts at meditation place me in a position for the Spirit to work, cultivating that awareness within me.

There is much in life that works against our awareness of God: our full schedules and busyness, our to-do lists with their focus on doing and accomplishing, our self-reliance, our desire to be in control, being tired physically and emotionally (exhausted?), our lack of quiet time without external stimulation, our lack of genuine play, our superficial relationships.

I wonder: can we learn to be aware of God if we don't build into our schedules some personal time dedicated to focusing on God or our relationship with God? Attending worship and participating in church activities are not enough. They are no substitute for the personal time.

So, given my musings, let me suggest: Don't pray to feel closer to God. Pray to be more aware of God and God's work in your life. Then practice a time of focusing just on God, resting in God's love. But watch out what you pray for!!!