Lord, Give Me Patience

I don't know who was the first to say it, but many people echo it: "Lord, give me patience ... and give it to me right now!!"

Patience seems to be a struggle for many of us. Especially during this time of polarization in our nation, we struggle to be patient with those "on the other side" with whom we disagree. It is easier to criticize, judge, and complain than to be patient. Being patient positions us to "hear" the other and opens the door to honest conversation in pursuit of mutual respect and understanding.

Perhaps if we understood patience, we would be better at practicing it.

Patience is tied to expectations. We are impatient when someone fails to live up to our expectations - when things aren't how we think they ought to be - when something isn't done the way we think it should be. Impatience is the anger we feel when our expectations are not met. It leads to and is expressed in being critical and judgmental of the one that doesn't measure up to our expectations. Often, the one with whom we are impatient the most is our self. If we want to practice patience, we have to deal with our expectations.

Patience comes as we surrender our desire to control other people and how things are done. We experience impatience because we can't control the other person or what they do or what happens. Control is tied to expectations. They both are attempts to bend the world to our will - to how we think life should be. As long as we live with this subtle me-centered mentality, we will struggle with being patient. If we want to practice patience, we have to surrender our desire to control other people, what they do, and how they do it.

Patience is rooted in grace-based thinking. Impatience is rooted in merit-reward, earning-deserving thinking. The criticism and judgment that grow out of our impatience are our way of punishing the other for not measuring up to our expectations. Grace, on the other hand, seeks to be understanding and compassionate. In the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:21-22), patience is linked with being kind, generous, faithful, and gentle. We can't be patient as long as we are critical and judgmental, harsh and demeaning.

Patience is one of the nine traits identified as the fruit of the Spirit. It is the product of the Spirit's work in our lives. We cannot conjure up patience through an act of our will or self-effort. The ability to be patient grows in us as we grow spiritually, as we move beyond merit-based thinking into grace-based thinking and relating, as we surrender to the transforming work of the Spirit within us.

"Lord, give me patience ... and give it to me right now!!" The prayer (if it is really a prayer) expresses our impatience with not being patient. It reflects our expectations that we should be more patient. But being impatient with being impatient does not make us more patient. What being impatient does do is invite us to go beyond the impatience to what lies behind it: the expectations, the desire and futile attempt to be in control, the merit-based thinking. Being impatient is a call to turn to the Spirit to deal with what is in us rather than focusing on the other and what they should do.

But beware of wanting patience!!! If we practice patience, we will be less critical and judgmental. We will stay connected with those with whom we disagree. We will be generous and kind in how we think of them, speak of them, and treat them.

No wonder patience is something the Spirit produces in us. It is an expression of love (1 Corinthians 1:4).