Learning to Walk on Water

The Gospel of Matthew records an incident not recorded by the other gospel writers. After Jesus fed the 5,000 with five loaves and two fish, he sent the disciples away to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. As they were crossing the lake, they were caught in a storm. As the disciples battled to control the boat in the storm, Jesus came walking to them on the water. Three gospels - Matthew, Mark, and John - record this experience. But Matthew adds a detail that Mark and John omit. When Peter saw Jesus walking on the water, he spoke to Jesus. "Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water" (Matthew 14:28). When Jesus invited him to do so, Peter climbed out of the boat and started walking on the water. He was doing fine until his focus shifted to the strong winds. At that point, he began to sink into the water. Instinctively, he cried out to Jesus to save him. When Jesus got Peter back into the boat, the storm died down. 

Have you ever wondered why Peter tried to walk on the water? It is easy to say, "That's just Peter. He was an impetuous loudmouth." But this "that's just Peter" explanation misses the point, in my mind. There is more to Peter's request and his willingness to try to walk on the water than his bigger-than-life personality. 

In each of the gospels, the story of Jesus walking on the water in the storm immediately follows the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000. In that event, the disciples came to Jesus with concern about the crowd. Because it was late, they wanted Jesus to send the crowd away so they could go into the villages to buy bread to eat (Matthew 14:15). Instead, Jesus told them, "They need not go away; you give them something to eat" (Matthew 14:16). Jesus expected the disciples to feed the crowd. Of course, the disciples pushed back, citing their inability and the lack of supplies - only five loaves and two fish. Scarcity has long been an excuse for not helping. You know the story. Jesus used those five loaves and two fish to feed the 5,000+ and have an abundance of left overs. 

It seems to me that Peter's willingness to try to walk on water is tied to Jesus's expectation that the disciples could feed the 5,000. Jesus expected the disciples to do what he did - feed 5,000. Peter seemed to have gotten that. So when Jesus walked on the water, Peter wondered if he could do what Jesus was doing, i.e., walk on the water. So he asked Jesus if it were possible. Jesus's response was to invite Peter - do we dare say, encourage Peter? - to try. 

It seems to me, Peter got what the other disciples seemingly missed. Jesus expected them to do what he did ... including walking on water. 

That's a good stopping point - a good sermon, if you please. Jesus expects us to do what he did ... even that which seems to be improbable, if not impossible. But there is more to the story in my mind.

How did Peter put the two together - the feeding of the 5,000 and walking on the water? How was it that Peter understood what the other disciples seemingly did not? 

I suggest that Peter took time to think about what happened in the feeding of the 5,000. He reflected on the experience. He didn't just recount the event with the other disciples or recall it in his mind. He thought about it, contemplated it, sat with it, reflected on it. He sought to understand it. In doing so, he put himself in a position for the Spirit to guide him into insight. (Insight - seeing into so as to understand differently, to see beyond the surface, to see meaning and gain deeper understanding.) In that process of reflecting, Peter came to understand that Jesus wanted his disciples to do what he did. He acted on that understanding when he asked Jesus if he could walk on the water, too. He acted on that understanding when he stepped out of the boat and began to walk on the water. 

Reflection - or, better, self-reflection - is a vital resource for the spiritual journey. I would be so bold as to say there is little progress on the spiritual journey apart from self-reflection. Self-reflection is a tool that nurtures the inner life. 

Self-reflection is a way of processing life's events. Processing an event means reflecting on what happened and how what happened affected me. How did the event impact me? What thoughts and emotional reactions were stirred? Those thoughts and emotional reactions say something about me. They can tell me something about myself. They can be windows into the interior realm of my life. They can help me see something that normally lies beyond my conscious awareness. In other words, processing life's events (self-reflection) can lead to greater self-understanding. 

Self-reflection fosters self-understanding. Self-understanding, in turn, fosters self-awareness. Self-awareness is recognizing what is happening in the interior realm of our lives. Such self-awareness puts us in a position to deal with what is happening in the interior. It puts us in a position to manage ourselves - what the Apostle Paul called self-control. Self-control (self-management) is the doorway to change and, thereby, to growth. 

Here's what the progression looks like:

self-reflection → self-understanding → self-awareness → 

self-control or self-management → change/growth

To say it differently, self-reflection puts us in a position for the Spirit to work in our experiences the way the Spirit worked in Peter's experience of the feeding of the 5,000. 

What happens if we don't practice self-reflection, if we don't process life's events and their emotional impact on me? When we don't practice self-reflection, ...

• we live on the surface. We move from event to event, racing through our daily schedules. We become addicted to the stimulation of "what's next" on the agenda.
• we live with superficial relationships, based on things we have in common. We never go beyond surface things in our relationships.
• we don't resolve the things we experience or the pain they stir. The unresolved pain becomes emotional baggage we carry with us. Unaddressed pain from current events piles up on unresolved pain from the past, compounding the pain. 
• we become emotionally reactive as the pain piles up. We often overreact, an indication that old pain has been touched by the current event. (Self-reflection could help us see through our overreaction to the deeper issue.) 
• we become emotionally stuck as we fail to grow emotionally-relationally-spiritually through life's events. 
• we miss God and the Spirit's transforming work in our lives. The interior realm is the realm of the Spirit, where the Spirit lives and works, growing us emotionally-relationally-spiritually into Christ-like maturity. We miss the Spirit's work when we live on the surface. 

In summary, when we fail to practice self-reflection, we never learn to do what Jesus did. We never learn to walk on water.