Do Not Judge

 “Do not judge, so that you may not be judged,” Matthew 7:1. Jesus was very clear. We as his followers are not to engage in judging another. Yet, in spite of his clear command, judging the other lies at heart of the current conflict and resulting splintering of The UMC.

The word Jesus used indicates judging expresses a critical spirit that cuts down the other, viewing and treating them as “less than.” Judging is rooted in merit-based thinking and functioning. When we judge, we measure the other against some standard we have in our mind, noting how they fall short, failing to measure up to the expected standard. Their failure to measure up implies inadequacy. Our judging both blames and shames the other. The condemnation inherent in judging is our way of punishing the other for their failure.

Judging another is a part of our human condition. It is a primary way we establish our sense of identity. “I’m not that. I’m better than that.” It is a way we reassure ourselves that we are okay. We are better than those people. This pattern is so common that social scientists have given it a name: scapegoating. A scapegoat is the target of our critical, judgmental spirit, the one on whom we dump our anger. Attacking the scapegoat allows us to feel better about ourselves at their expense. That’s the unconscious emotional payoff we get from judging another.

When we judge another, we think we are saying something about them — their failure to measure up, their inadequacy, their status as less than. In reality, our judging another says more about us than it does about them. That’s what Jesus meant when he spoke of the log in our own eye in contrast to the speck in our neighbor’s eye (Matthew 7:3-5). Our focus on the speck in our neighbor’s eye — our judging them for their failure to measure up — blinds us to the log in our own eye. It helps us avoid seeing what we don’t want to see about ourselves.

So how do we move beyond judging the other?

Breaking our habit/pattern of judging another begins with awareness. Judging is something we all do. The key is recognizing when we do. In the original, Jesus’s command was “Stop judging.” To stop judging requires us to recognize when we are judging. We become aware that we are judging another so we can move beyond it.

Our awareness that we are judging another becomes an invitation, calling for a conscious choice. The invitation is to shift our focus. We consciously shift our focus from the other to ourselves, from their failure to measure up to what we don’t want to see about ourselves. We invite the Spirit to help us see what we don’t want to see — our own sense of inadequacy, our own fear of failure, our sense of shame about not being good enough. We allow our judging another to become a mirror through which we look at ourselves.

To do this kind of inner work — “first take the log out of your own eye,” Matthew 7:5 — requires us to set aside the merit-based thinking and functioning that is inherent to our human nature. It requires us to embrace grace — God’s unconditional acceptance and forgiveness.

The reason we push these parts of our lives outside our awareness is because of shame. We are afraid that when they are known, they will bring condemnation and rejection — the very things we do to those we judge. (Social scientists call this projection.) We are afraid to be known. That’s the essence of shame. We fear condemnation and judgment from others because that’s what we experience from ourselves. We shame ourselves for our inadequacies and fears. Our self-condemnation and shame are rooted in merit-based thinking — our failure to measure up to the expectations expressed in some standard (law). This emotional dynamic is the story of the garden in Genesis 3. Like the man and the woman, we find ways of hiding our nakedness — being known — from others, from God, and from ourselves. Fig leaves come in many shapes and sizes.

God’s faithful love — grace — frees us to deal with these shame-based parts of ourselves that we hide from ourselves and others. We can acknowledge them because God forgives them rather than condemns them, God accepts us unconditionally, just as we are, rather than rejects and abandons us. In other words, God doesn’t do what others do or what we do to ourselves. God doesn’t judge, condemn, or reject us. Facing these parts of ourselves, allowing them to be known by God and ourselves and trusted spiritual friends, brings healing to them.

Recognizing, acknowledging, and claiming our need of grace frees us to offer grace to others. We move beyond judging.

When Jesus instructed us to stop judging, he said “so that you may not be judged. For with the judgment you make you will be judged, and the measure you give will be the measure you get,” Matthew 5:1b-2. I understand Jesus to mean how we deal with others reflects how we deal with ourselves. If we are critical and judgmental of other’s failure to measure up, we will be critical and judgmental of ourselves. We will shame ourselves. The way we deflect such self-condemnation and shame is by dumping it on others in the form of judging them (projection). However, if we respond to other’s failure to measure up with grace, understanding, and forgiveness, we will be able to treat our own failures and inadequacies with grace and forgiveness, as well.

Whenever we as the followers of Jesus engage in judging others, we are living out of our humanness and our brokenness, not out of our spirituality or our identity as the followers of Jesus. It reflects our reluctance to do the work of emotional-relational-spiritual healing that is the essence of being a follower of Jesus.

We in The UMC will never resolve the conflict over LGBTQ+ issues by arguing about the issues. The conflict only reinforces our sense that we are right and “they” are wrong. Focusing on how the other is wrong — judging — keeps us blind to the log in our own eye. It keeps us stuck in our humanness, blocking our spiritual progress.

The only way to resolve the conflict in The UMC (or any conflict, for that matter) is to shift our focus from the other and their failure to measure up to ourselves, allowing it to help us see what is in our own eye (heart). Only as we focus on what we contribute to the conflict will we be able to approach it differently. Perhaps when we recognize our own need of grace will we be in a position to offer it to others.