When, Not If, We Fail

It’s another thing we all do. It’s an inherent, unavoidable part of our human condition. No one is exempt.

We fail.

Failure is a part of being human.

Any number of factors—all dimensions of being human—can cause us to fail. We don’t have the knowledge to do what is demanded or the training or the skill or the experience or the strength at the moment. Sometimes we fail because of a lack of interest or motivation, a lack of aptitude or self-confidence, a lack of focus or energy.

Because we are human, we are always in process. We are always facing dimensions of life that are new. Each stage of life brings its own set of experiences which are different from those of the previous stage. These new experiences often translate into challenges—things we are having to learn to do as we do them. As a result, we sometimes—often—fail at doing this thing we’ve never done before. Think about a toddler learning to walk.

Because we are human, we live with limitations. We do not have a limitless capacity of anything. We run out of energy and have to refuel. When we are physically or emotionally or intellectually tired, that is, when our energies are low, we struggle to do what we can normally do with ease. As we struggle, we fail.

Relationships often are the most challenging dimension of life. Inevitably, the emotional needs and expectations found in any relationship lead to failures that cause pain for ourselves and others.

Failure is a part of our relationship with God. We call it sin, an archery term meaning to miss the bullseye. It means we fall short. We fail to measure up. We fail to live the ways of God. This failure is commonly viewed as an act of the will—a choice to follow our own way rather than God’s, to trust our own wisdom rather than the wisdom of God, to disobey God’s directives rather than obey them. Again, we all do it. According to Genesis 2 & 3, it is part of our human story.

Because we are human, failure is inevitable, an unavoidable reality with which we must deal.

The problem we face is not that we fail. The problem lies in how we deal with failure.

In our production-driven, success-oriented culture, failure carries a stigma. It is viewed as an indicator of inadequacy, of weakness, of inability to measure up. It translates into being less than or no good. In short, the way we have been trained to deal with failure is with judgment and condemnation, with guilt and shame. We have been trained to shame ourselves for our failure—particularly for our sins.

Because of this shaming, we avoid any appearance of failure. We create a persona that hides our weaknesses or any sense of inadequacy. We seldom let anyone get close enough to know our struggles, much less our failures. We certainly don’t let anyone else know our sins. We often blind ourselves to them—particularly the sins of a critical spirit and judgmental attitude.

How we have been trained to deal with failure produces isolated, lonely lives filled with superficiality. To compensate for the isolation and loneliness, we fill our lives with busyness. To compensate for the superficiality, we pursue status symbols that communicate success. We carry around what Jung called our shadow—those disowned parts of our lives that we view as unacceptable and shameful, that we don’t want others to know.

The way we have been trained to deal with our failure, coupled with our fear of it, has blocked our ability to embrace the way God deals with our humanness, including our failures and sins. God relates to us out of grace. That grace is expressed in the forgiveness of our sins.

God’s grace and forgiveness offer us a different way of viewing and dealing with failure. They treat failure as a normal part of life. Even sins are an expected reality.

The psalmist expressed this understanding: “(The LORD) does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities,” Psalm 103:10. Because the LORD relates to us out of steadfast, faithful love, God forgives our sins, Psalm 103:11. “As far as the east is from the west, so far he removes our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion for his children, so the LORD has compassion for those who fear him. For he knows how we are made; he remembers that we are dust,” Psalm 103:12-14. God recognizes our in-process, not-yet-mature nature.

God’s grace and forgiveness free us to honestly face our failures, including our sins, rather than hiding them. They allow us to accept the in-process nature of our humanness without shaming it. They grant us the opportunity to learn from our failures and, yes, from our sins. That learning leads to growth. God’s grace and forgiveness remind us that God’s desire for us is emotional-relational-spiritual maturity, not our culture’s demand for productivity and success. As we grow, as we mature, we will naturally live out of our gifts and strengths. We will contribute to the good of others—the kingdom’s definition of productivity and success.  

We readily speak of the grace of God, but we struggle to live out of it. We don’t like to fail.